Friday, November 14, 2008
EMO??
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Reading an old passage in my diary, makes me realize how much I’ve changed, and how I’ve always been the same.
A point in time came when I write in my diary everyday (high school days). I view everything back then as a black and white world. My emotions back then was in the extremes. If I’m in high spirits, jubilation will predominate everything I do or think. If I’m sad, I’ll spread gloom everywhere.
At some days in my diary when I am happy, it surprised me how much perfect I think about the world. It’s like I always view the world great colorful horizons ahead and the humankind seemed doing everything in favor of me.
And at some days especially every time my Math teacher humiliates me (this moments occupied most pages of my previous diary) in class by announcing to everyone how talkative and uninterested I am to his subject, how aloof I am in Math and how I distract his ever vigilant and fully concentrated class, these days I view my life as the haven of doom and destruction. Haha, Yup O.A. ako ever since.
Though I already burned my diary, a passage I certainly remember from those date goes like:
“L@CH@ talaga yan si Sir! Baket ba? Di ba nag-aaral naman ako sa kanya? Top nga ko di ba? Baket Yung mga boys, maingay din sila,bakit di sila pahiyain? Palibhasa bading sya! BADING! Ayoko na. Ayoko na mag-aral, magpapakamatay na lang talaga ako. “
A point in time came when I write in my diary everyday (high school days). I view everything back then as a black and white world. My emotions back then was in the extremes. If I’m in high spirits, jubilation will predominate everything I do or think. If I’m sad, I’ll spread gloom everywhere.
At some days in my diary when I am happy, it surprised me how much perfect I think about the world. It’s like I always view the world great colorful horizons ahead and the humankind seemed doing everything in favor of me.
And at some days especially every time my Math teacher humiliates me (this moments occupied most pages of my previous diary) in class by announcing to everyone how talkative and uninterested I am to his subject, how aloof I am in Math and how I distract his ever vigilant and fully concentrated class, these days I view my life as the haven of doom and destruction. Haha, Yup O.A. ako ever since.
Though I already burned my diary, a passage I certainly remember from those date goes like:
“L@CH@ talaga yan si Sir! Baket ba? Di ba nag-aaral naman ako sa kanya? Top nga ko di ba? Baket Yung mga boys, maingay din sila,bakit di sila pahiyain? Palibhasa bading sya! BADING! Ayoko na. Ayoko na mag-aral, magpapakamatay na lang talaga ako. “
And as I can remember, I’m 80% serious that day. And I already made a suicide note for my parents and best friend. Whew, I could have been dead by now. I don’t know what impede the ideation of suicide in me, but whatever it was, I would like to take the opportunity to thank it/him/her for saving my life. I never thought of suicide since.
Last month there had been two suicides from my high school alma mater. I wonder what made them kill themselves. I had a bizarre conclusion that this is an effect of the predominating EMO society. My thesis partner (Francia) and I planned to make this as a subject for our thesis- “Effects of Being An EMO of High School Students in Cavite National High School to their Physical, Emotional, Mental and Spiritual Health”. But we can’t come up with a more appealing title, so we ended up doing another one. But it could have been a nice subject.
Through the years people tend to be more cerebral, thinking more practically, as much as possible making decisions in life setting aside emotions can be very beneficial.
As of the moment I’m still learning not to act on impulse.
Good Luck.
Blogged @ 4:32 PM |
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