Monday, March 2, 2009
Hmnnn
HMMNNN
I’m not really a good speaker. Even on simple reportings in class, before I report something, I need to practice hours in the mirror or do things some such just to be prepared. If I do not come super prepared, parang a panic attack would be more appealing to me than talking in front of many people. Mas gusto kong kumbulsyunin. Kahit mga classmate ko lang audience ko, kinakabahan pa din ako. Mas ok sakin kung behind the scenes lang ang trabaho ko. Katulad ng pag-gawa ng power point, taga usod ng mga mesa, silya, taga bura ngboard, basta yung hindi magsasalita sa harap.
Back then, I used to picture myself (actually I still do) being a college professor and lecturing a class. Then my students will view me with awe and will say “Galing ni Ma’am, alamat talaga sya” hehe. But then, thinking that everyone’s staring gives me the creeps subsequently I abandon the eerie thought of teaching.
It was way back my elementary days, when I discovered I love love love love writing and reading. Excited ako whenever we need to do essays for our formal theme. Book reports. Mga ganon. Lasi ako nagsusulat kahit walang sense, kahit ako lang nag-eenjoy. Parang ngayon..=)
I used to think everyone can write. As spontaneous of how one can speak, can think. Whenever we were given essays as exams, I usually end up writing things down, not thinking, just the spur-of-the-moment thoughts translated to words. Kung ano ano lang. haha. Kaya siguro ayoko ng public speaking, hindi ko kayang itranslate ng malinaw ang mga thoughts ko verbally. Kapag may gusto akong ipaliwanag verbally, malilito ka muna sa kwento ko bago mo ma-gets yung ibig kong sabihin. Mandatory na yon. Parang in writing, you can modify your sentences, your words, pwede ka mag-edit kapag may maling grammar, hindi mo kailangang ma- conscious sa pronunciation mo, lalong hindi mo kailangang ma- conscious sa mga tao na nakatingin sayo at kung may amos ka ba sa muka habang nagsasalita. You can even be the one to stare, kapag binabasa na nila yung sinusulat mo.. (+_+)
Maybe that explains bakit ang sipag ko magsulat. Whenever I feel lonely, happy, anxious, pissed, whatever emotions, I write things down. Whenever I appreciate a person, I put things into writing. I write things in my diary, I have a 4 big note books of poems, short stories and essays.. O diba ang corny! Astig! Si Gracious lang nakakabasa ng mga essay ko, tapos sinusunog ko na. Pati diary ko sunog na din. Isa na lang natitira. Ayoko kasi ng may makakabasa, baka sabihin,” Nay, si Maja, bata pa lang emo na!!”. Yup, I have this habit of burning things. Sometimes I think if ever I will commit a crime it would be arson. Hahaha.
Bakit ko nga ba sinusunog yung mga gamit ko?? Teka, Hmmnnn,,,, Feeling ko kasi anytime mamamatay ako, at kapag nangyari yon, ayoko naman na kapag inayos ng nanay ko yung mga gamit ko, Makita nya yung makapal na notebook ng mga literaturang ginawa ko. Kahit maingay, madaldal at parang wala namang importansya, secretive ako at exclusive na tao. If I want you to know something about me, I’LL TELL YOU. You will not know my secrets through other means….Diba taray?
Kaya siguro sipag ko mag-blog.. haha. So if ever may nagbabasa pa din ng blog ko, Thank you…>I may not have the perfect grammar, my stories may be upsettingly boring and dull, pero kapag nagco-comment kayo..Ang saya ko na, ahmm kasi may nagbasa ng blog ko. Haha
Blogged @ 5:46 PM |
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