Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Can't Set You Free...
I CAN’T SET YOU FREE… Sorry
I want very much to be alienated from him.
To let go.
Being together with him only brings suffering to us both. Me, struggling. And he, wanting to be free.
I can’t let go. No, not now. Every solitary moment I hold on to him brings me more anguish and pain.
But the circumstances forbid our separation. I never felt this apprehension and distress for quite a while. I thought through years of experiences and lessons learned, I already learned how to deal with circumstances such as this- I was WRONG.
AMP!!! Ang hirap ng ini-LBM…..
We got to the point where in kinakausap ko na ang intestines ko: “Tayo lang tatlo (ako, small intestines at large intestines) ang tutulong sa isa’t-isa. San Ba ko nagkulang san’yo. Bakit nyo to gingawa sa’kin Konting tiis na lang. Makakauwi na tayo”
Pero hindi talaga.. Huhuhu
Yup siguro naba-badtrip ka na sa napakababoy kong post na ‘to. (I tried the best that I can, to make my post civilly acceptable and tolerable to sensitive individuals) Pero super life changing event ang experience kong ito. And I want to share it to anyone na interested.
At anong klaseng hospital ang pinagtrabahuhan ko? Wala silang tindang Diatabs, Lomotil o kahit anong gamot pang-tyan???? Argh!
Nagtanong na nga ako kung may Yerba Buena, Bayabas o iba pang halamang gamot sa paligid. Papatulan ko na. Magtaka sila bakit ako nagpapakulo ng mga dahon don… Argh!
Hindi ako naamin sa mga kasama ko sa trabaho ang hinagpis ko.. Hindi pa kami close.
So tiniis kong magtrabaho kahit parang konti na lang magb-breakdown na ko. Halos 5 hours akong nagtiis.. Ilang beses na gustong bumigay pero kinaya ko ang lahat dahil sa PRIDE.
I considered the quote “First Impression Last”. Ayokong kapag inalala nila kung sino ako- “Ah si Maja, yung in-LBM”. Inuna ko ang pride. (Ang weired. Basta. Praning ako.)
Pero hindi ko na din natiis, sinabi ko na kay manong driver nong pauwi na, para bilisan niya ang pagragasa sa naulang daan and ,ayon, as expected tinawanan niya ko, niloko-loko, nilibak..
Gusto kong ingud-ngod sa minibela ang demotres na puyaterong kambing na hampaslupang buteteng kalabaw na drayber na yon. Argh!
I think the cruelest thing you can do to a person is making her ashamed of her own humanness.
Do I deserve the guilt that I felt thinking that this was my fault, when I was the one enduring the aches and humiliation? Shet, ang drama. Pero yon ang feeling ko. Kasalanan bang mag-tae?
Epekto siguro ‘to ng tumutubong wisdom tooth ko.. LOLZ
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Blogged @ 2:15 AM |
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